Give thanks by giving . Philippines needs help

To my close friends, acquaintances and even those friends that only know me through online communication. Some of you have been kind enough to take some time to ask about my family in the Philippines and fortunately my immediate family is in Manila and Manila has been spared the ripping devastation that typhoon Haiyan has left behind but we still have family and friends in the danger zone. We’ve posted in the missing person list that Google has put up hoping to hear from them soon. One of our good friends was last heard from saying that she’s prepared with food and supplies and that they’ve pretty much battened down the hatches. Her home is on the coast of Guiuan and the news is just now coming out from her town. The reporters are saying that Guiuan, the little town where it was reported that the storm first touched down, was very aware of the storm coming and they had done their preparations.  They are a town that is accustomed to typhoons hitting their area, being in the storm belt, and they were confident that they were somewhat prepared.  Evacuations to the usual centers were done like the schools, churches and similar solid structures.  The catastrophe is that these very structures sustained serious damage as well and the people seeking shelter there were scattered like ants.  With no communication coming in our out of the area they are stranded, expecting immediate help and relief, not realizing that they are just one small town out of the hundreds that were hit.   The only structure that was left intact is the airport strip. We can’t find her and we haven’t heard from her. We have extended family in Leyte where the eye of the storm pretty much hit. And we’re holding our breath to hear from them as well. Our family at home is in nervous chaos waiting to hear from the people we know and love. 

I know you guys see me as just this crazy chick and maybe I’m funny & quirky sometimes and my kids are cute. But right now I’m just crying. It’s a mess out there and I don’t really know how to help. They’re saying that there might me a TEN THOUSAND body count. I hope to god they are exaggerating the number coz that just seems insane. This little country gets hit with 20-26 typhoons a year and earthquakes too; and even when the last bad one hit they managed to bounce back, survive and keep on with a happy face. I know that this too shall pass but right now they need help so desperately. There is no food, water, shelter or medicine for HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE. The medical teams are operating in the dark since there’s no electricity and candles are even scarce. There’s looting and robbery as the survivors struggle to stay alive. 

My family and I are putting together our own fund to send food with our friends to the devastated areas. Thanks for giving me your attention for a bit. Likes are appreciated, so are hugs, warm thoughts and prayers, sharing would be nice too but really they need more than that. They need us to act and help. They need food, water, medicine, money. They need help right now more than anything. I hope you can find it in you to contribute some help.

I can’t help but feel as fortunate as I sit here at my desk, cozily wrapped up in my soft blanket and my child tugging at my arm for attention. Today will go on for me as it always does but my mind and my heart are with my friends and family back home. Please, if you know me or someone from the Philippines or if you just want to help … my little country needs all it can get right now. With thanksgiving right around the corner maybe I can appeal to you guys by asking you to give thanks by giving a little. Here’s all the different ways you can help. 

 http://www.cnn.com/2013/11/09/world/iyw-how-to-help-typhoon-haiyan/index.html

life :. vapid

sometimes i fall into a pit of gray where life is uninspired, dull and boring.  i question my talent and i judge myself harshly.  i look around for inspiration and in the search i find more reason to hate myself and my work.  i'll encounter a glimmer of hope but the instant is fleeting and momentary, like the dreams i never remember when i wake up.

Life :. Pondering over WHY and HOW

why would a beautiful young girl resort to cutting herself to vent frustration?  how do i get through to her?  what could i tell her that would make her wake up and shake her out of it?  how do i show her that i understand what she's going through and that i get it?  how do i tell her that it really does get better?  how do i make sure that my own children don't fall into this outlet for frustration and what do i say to them if they do?

i met that beautiful young girl earlier this year.  when i asked her why she thought she was doing it she gave me some vague "i dunno" and some wishy-washy pointing in the direction of some acquaintances that might have been the cause but no defined notion of what they did.  i didn't sense abuse (verbal, mental or physical); not that i'm a mental health expert or anything but after talking to her it seemed like she had a lot of pent up and built up teenage angst.  she's twelve.  the whole conversation stayed with me for weeks and really had me thinking.  i'm a long way off from raising teens but i wanted to ponder over it now.  best be prepared yes?

coincidentally, i just had a conversation with my brother-in-law about our recent bouts of depression a few weeks before i met this girl.  we talked about our individual frustrations and how we deal with it.  i've since realized that regardless of age, as humans, we all have a hole that needs to be filled.  not to over simplify but a lot of it seems to boil down to a need for success and acknowledgement.  children love to be praised, teenagers love recognition, adults live for it.  some need small gestures like a hug or pride in themselves or a simple "fb like" and others need grander gestures like trophies, money, power and fame. various levels but my point is ... it's basically the same.  i feel like the things she's going through, i'm still going through.  the difference is that i know the source of my frustration and when i'm sick of it i can step away and focus on something else.  i can bury myself in a book, a movie a bag of chips or a very expensive trip to target.  my brother-in-law hits the gym.  i know others that would turn to drugs or alcohol and others yet that become workaholics, food bingers or serial daters.  i was telling him that this driving need and the temporary solutions we take to resolve our lack of fulfillment are so "self" centric.  a lot of times we don't even know what's wrong; we just stop the gap with whatever is in our reach.  i would think that for our younger generation especially, identifying the problem might be the biggest part of the problem.  maybe it's worse.  maybe it's knowing the problem but not being able to admit it.  on top of that, the set of options available to our kids for that stop gap is a smaller list.

i wondered if it wouldn't be a more productive temporary solution to focus on helping others as an option.  it might give a two fold return.  i know that when i've focused on helping someone else for a change i learn something about myself in the process.  selfishly, their success also feels like my own and it's great motivation.  parents put their kids in sports, arts and other extra curricular activities which are great ways to develop confidence, fill that need for acceptance and accomplishment.  in my formative years, the nuns that ran the school took our extra curriculars one step further by giving us little projects to care about that were centered on someone else.  we would sponsor a child's education or go help with a poverty stricken family.  we would visit schools to share our education with less fortunate children.  it gave us a glimpse at life outside our box and something to ponder over.  it didn't make sense to me then but the experiences stayed with me and actually... it makes a whole lot more sense now.

if only life could be this peaceful always...

Life :. Parenting Worries . Racial Awareness

the list of worries that a parent goes through seems endless.  keeping them physically safe is one of the simpler matters to maneuver.  i lose more sleep thinking about side stepping drugs, peer pressure, social media, and sex.  this week i started reading Nurture Shock: New Thinking About Children.  i'm only three chapters in and it's already added to my list of concerns.  i can't believe i forgot about helping them through the race issue.  i want to slap myself in the face over my naivete.

i grew up in the philippines and we have our own issues on social class and skin color.  my own experiences growing up cannot possibly compare to being a black kid in a dominantly white environment in america.  according to the theories and studies in this book, despite our integrated school environment children will naturally want to categorize themselves.  i now understand it as being no different than the boys vs girls thing and we all know that at a certain age little girls hate boys and vice versa.  we all think it's cute and we all know that in time those feelings will change.  skin color is just another way for them to associate and group.  there is no malice in it i don't think (at least not initially) but it should definitely be discussed.  we openly talk to our children about boys and girls and how they are different.  we even ask them to identify themselves as one or the other.  on the topic of skin color though we don't discuss it.  even in our house we haven't brought it up at all.  my brother in law is apple pie white with his blond hair and blue eyes.  curtis is half black.  i'm an amalgam of european and filipino.  some people don't even know how to categorize me when they see me.  it makes our household a melting pot of skin colors. i guess we figured it was a non-issue and therefore doesn't warrant a discussion.  THAT's naive.  the truth is that my girls are going to come across skin color discussions at some point in their young lives.  dia took after me and has a much lighter complexion while kaya took after curtis with her beautifully chocolate tones.  we live in an environment that's got a great assortment of cultures but we're short on african americans for sure.  apparently the concerns just might be greater for dia, my lighter skinned child, than for kaya (check out the story of twin boys daniel and james).

kids operate under a very simple logic.  they won't account for the mixed race of their parents; they just go by what's obvious, skin color.  even curtis whose mother is white, identifies himself as a black man.  it's just the obvious choice i suppose.  i guess i kinda do that too by calling myself asian even though i'm about 40% european but that's coz i grew up there.  even that's not right though coz technically filipinos are pacific islanders.  at some point i think we started saying "who cares" and then chose not to discuss it.  our kids are of mixed descent and that's that.  but kids being kids, they have no filter.  cruelty might be their first experience and i don't want that to be a barrier to progress.  naturally i also want to protect them and i certainly don't want my kids to be the source of the issue either.  many will say that we're operating in a much more varied racial environment now.  yes, that's definitely true but visually... we're still short on the darker skin tones in my neighborhood.  i just want to be prepared by making my children aware just as i now am.  the book of course cautioned against negative anticipation. kind of like going to a psychic and being told that you'll be hit by a car and then spending your time looking for the car.  i don't want to teach them that the world will be cruel.  the world can be cruel regardless of color.  i just want to teach them to be confident women of character.

i'm a worrier it's true.  i've been talking to curtis about this book as i complete each chapter.  i can't say that it really tells me how to handle the issues it brings up.  it's more about giving me a sense of awareness.  on this race issue i am now officially VERY aware.