- i'm stretched thin and it's my fault. i do it to myself. there is nobody to pressure me but me. there isn't even a compelling reason for me to drive myself to this point other than ... i guess i want to?
- i miss my family and they miss me. all week kaya has been snuggling and rubbing her head against my arm like a little kitty cat, verbally expressing how much she misses me. dia gets up early in the morning before her normal routine to sit with me in the bathroom as i get ready. when it's time to go she refuses to give kisses which is highly unusual for her. i suspect she understands that the kiss is a parting gesture. curtis has actually said that he feels like he hasn't seen me all week. this patient man has been so patient with me. all this makes me tear up.
- i spend a lot of time second guessing myself and doubting my abilities. i stress about it so much. when i finally step off that insanity and relax, i realize that i didn't need to. i really did know what i was doing. i was right. i wasn't crazy. i was right.
- today i worked the day job from home. kaya was throwing up last night and running a fever. we decided it was best to keep her home today and i would be here with her. i'm so glad we did. she had the fever on and off all day with only a dose of tylenol to keep it at bay. i'm so grateful to have a job that allows it. i'm so grateful that technology has advanced to the point where that really isn't an issue anymore. i'm grateful to have co-workers that understand.
- i'm not as rusty as i thought i was although i still think the pregnancies replaced some of my smarter brain cells with forgetful ones maybe even some dumb ones.
- kaya was home with me but dia was at the sitter's. i guess i haven't realized just how much time they spend together. by 1 o'clock kaya was asking if it was time to pick up dia yet ... then she would repeat the question every 15 mins until we finally did. apparently, on the other side of the city, dia was doing the same.
- milestones and accomplishments feed the soul and give me renewed energy. especially when i came so close to quitting.
- there is a light at the end of this damnably long tunnel but it isn't till november and somehow 2 1/2 months feels sooooo far away.
- i've worked from home for too long. i have to hone my communication skills again.
- working out of home has made me lose weight. not a bad thing. i still don't have time to work out. might not be a bad thing either.
a flashback to the first time curtis met kaya
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