my biggest guilt

i was thirteen. it was midday. a weekend. i remember sitting on the steps inside the house. facing the window. my mom was combing my hair. she asked me if she was a good mom. i remember thinking how silly that question was.

"of course!" i answered.

then she had this sad look on her face. "promise me you won't ever put me in a home." that's what she said.

and i promised i never would. why the hell would i ever consider that? we don't do that in my culture.

i PROMISED

14 years later i did. i had to.

i'm going to live with that guilt forever. i let my mom down.

somehow this story came up today. i can't remember how. but it came up. i need to put it out there. let it roam free. then maybe i can move on from it.