10 days. that's it. at least... that's all that would be left if we were going off the calculated due date. but in reality, kaya could show up ANY day now.
I had my first "full", "real" ob exam 2 fridays ago. that's when it reaLLy, ReALLy ... as in REALLY hit me. i was waiting in room number 2, waiting for the doc to enter when panic just attacked. i wanted to hit the pause button. rewind maybe. something? be Hiro from the TV show Heroes. time travel... take it all back. OMG!!!! all of a sudden this isn't something that's gonna be happening a few months from now. i can't just let the talks of pain, epidurals and life change go in one ear and out the other anymore. this is seriously happening now. our time is almost up and we're up to bat any second. PAIN... it's coming my way whether i want it or not. oh god. i'm scared. trying not to hyperventilate. i know i know.. i can ask for the meds... but i have to wait till i'm 4 cm dilated! i have no shame in admitting i'm a woos when it comes to pain and you better believe i'll be demanding for meds. but it's the fear of the unknown that makes it worse. i wish i wish i wish... i wish i could just go to sleep one night and the next morning she's in the crib already. hell, whatever happened to the stork thing?! or why haven't those scientists figured out a way for guys to do the labor thing yet?!
so to get over the panic i focus on all the goodies that come after the painful part. there's sooooo many things i miss. sleeping on my belly. being able to turn over in bed without breaking an aerobic sweat. never losing my balance when i sit on the toilet. seeing my feet. feeling my feet. sushi! soft cheese! mojitos!!!!! beer!!!!! running. hip hop dance class. taking pictures from the ground looking up. wearing jeans. breathing freely.
all that and a bag o chips! but the best part will probably be meeting kaya finally. seeing her. talking to her and hearing her coo back. watching curtis with her. feeling my finger in her grasp. knowing that she's here.
for all the effort it's been to lug around this giant belly and all the awesome things to look forward to i think i'm gonna miss the bump. i know i'm going to miss feeling kaya in there. there's an odd reassurance to knowing that while in there, she's safe. i'm almost thinking that when she's out... i'll feel ... lonely.
but like i said... we have 10 days to go. and if we went by what the doc said last friday... we may go longer. she seems to think we might be running a couple of weeks late.
so we might be posting the bump pictures for week 40. be on the lookout. in the meantime, here's my set of favorite photos from our maternity session with the super fly [b]ecker. who i have to say truly captured the essence of our lil family through this pregnancy. curtis + me + the bump (kaya). it's been a lot of love and happiness. we are complete.
a quick note on this maternity session. i was inspired by a photo that i saw online. i WANTED a trailer trash themed session. all surreal like .... hair in curlers, beer in one hand, cigarette in the other. i know.. i crazy gurly... anyway, i was digging through my closet for 2 hours trying to find the right clothes for the look. every time i emerged curtis cringed. i finally had to give up on it. so instead we did a throw back to michelle style of yesteryear. obnoxious pig tails, flower in the hair, long socks, short skirts, combat boots and makeup. lots of grin and lotsa fun. thank you so much to my favorite hair girl jen whitlow of AG salon and carina of flawless faces for completing the look for me.
and coz i gotta get my signature look in there... oh and a headshot ;)